For some time now I have been at a point in my life where I regularly need to wear a shirt and tie. What I’ve noticed, however, is that many of the guys around me look as if they chose their clothes completely at random when it comes to dressing up. So, guys, we need to have a little talk about the proper way to dress when we are supposed to be dressing up. Here is the first installment of my advice, some general rules to go by. In a later installment I’ll be providing some more specific advice and more specific rules.

Colors matter. Some colors just don’t go together, and guess what, even colors that do go together must be placed with care. Here are some examples:

Black pants and a black tie look good together. A black shirt and black pants (or black shirt with black tie) make you look like you have something to prove.

A white shirt and a black tie is classic. A black shirt and a white tie is mobster, and not in a good way.

There is some good news about color, though. Some colors are perfectly acceptable to wear, and won’t make you look gay (not that there is anything wrong with that). Pink is perfectly fine in small doses. For example, I have a pastel, baby-pink tie that I occasionally wear with a plain white shirt (either with black pants, or grey/khaki pants and a black sweater vest), and I can’t go half a day without someone (usually a girl) telling me how good I look. Here are some other ideas for colors you might not normally choose:

Any really bright color looks good with a white shirt and black pants. Even neon green.

Don’t wear purple as a shirt, but a purple tie looks great with a royal blue shirt.

As mentioned previously, pink is great in small doses, such as a tie or if it is included in a patterned shirt. A plain, all-pink shirt should be approached with caution.

Like color, patterns are a double edged sword. They can be great, or gross. If you’re going to wear a patterned shirt, don’t wear a tie with a different pattern. I don’t care if the colors match, or even if the patterns are similar. You don’t look good, you look like a fucking optical illusion (Quoting Barry Pepper in 25th Hour). If you absolutely must wear a patterned shirt, try to wear a solid tie. There are some exceptions to this rule, but I can’t make generalizations about it. Here are some patterns to avoid:

Plaid (Burberry ties are only useful in making you look pretentious).

Houndstooth and Paisley should only be used with experience.

However, some patterns that are great and I encourage:

Argyle.

Hats should only complement what you are wearing elsewhere. Personally, I don’t wear them, but if you must, do it well. If you’re going to wear a fedora, make sure that it is simple and classic. Houndstooth pattern is about the most extravagant you should go, and even then you kind of start to look like huggy bear (image at http://blogs.mysanantonio.com/weblogs/atlarge/huggy.jpg). Don’t wear a “golf hat”, and never ever wear anything Kangol. Ever.

Sweaters. Wear them. Personally, I’m fond of sweater vests. As long as the sweater conforms to rules 1 through 3, it is probably okay to wear. However, consider the following:

Colors should be a little more muted and shouldn’t distract from the rest of what you are wearing.

V-neck is typically preferable to crew neck.

If it has a zipper, it doesn’t belong.

Belts and shoes should match if possible. Also, shoe choice should be dependent upon the rest of the outfit. For example, if you’re wearing black or grey pants, wear black or grey shoes. Likewise, if you are wearing khaki pants, you should ideally wear an earthtone shoe (e.g. burgundy, brown, etc…).

# posted by Zach Attack @ 1:12 PM