Monday, December 01, 2008


With Thanksgiving over, and Christmas rapidly approaching, it is time that the masses were spoon fed another heaping pile of Flynn’s Column. And what’s on my mind this holiday season? The same thing that many of you are considering: trading the Washington State Cougars with the Western Athletic Conference for the Boise State Broncos. The reason for this is several-fold: the Cougars suck, Pullman Washington is an awful place to play, and the Bronco’s have outgrown their conference.

Let’s face it, the Cougars are simply outmatched in the Pac-10. In 115 seasons, the Cougars have averaged a losing season, winning only 48% of their games. In addition, many consider this year’s Cougar team to be the worst football team in the history of the Pac-10—quite an accomplishment considering some of the teams seen in Corvallis. While it usually provides the other Pac-9 teams a reliable win and a chance to get some of their second- and third-string players some game time, it seems more appropriate for these teams to have a real match-up, not just a scrimmage. In fact, the Pac-10 might as well just cancel all WSU games, and give everyone an extra by week.

Now, some may say that a state like Idaho just isn’t large enough to fit in with the rest of the Pac. Yet, consider that WSU calls Pullman, Washington home. Pullman, located in the far-eastern portion of Washington state, has a population under 25,000, making the entire city about the same size as the student body of its competitors. In addition, has anyone seen a game played in Pullman? The temperature is always hovering around freezing, with rain and/or snow coming down. It’s miserable. By comparison, the weather and population of Boise are much more respectable.

Unlike the Cougars, the Bronco’s have thrived in their current location. They are undefeated at home against conference opponents, have won their conference 6 of the last 7 years, have never lost a Division I-A bowl game (the Cougars haven’t been to a bowl game since 2003), and have gone undefeated twice in the past three years. They are an incredibly exciting team to watch, as anyone who saw the 2006 Fiesta bowl can attest to. However, their conference is holding them back. Being stuck in a non top-tier conference, Boise State doesn’t get the respect they deserve (e.g. 2006). They are considered a second-rate team, despite their consistently strong performance. Sure, they most likely wouldn’t run the tables in the Pac-10, they would be much better matched against the teams of the Pac-10 than WSU, and vice-versa.

Lastly, the Blue Turf. It’s what Bronco stadium is known for, and it would bring something interesting to the conference. In addition to novelty, it’s been killing Canada geese that mistake it for a lake and try to land for several years, helping to rid the world of a filthy pest.

It’s time to strengthen the Pac-10. It’s time to do the right thing for both the proud Bronco’s, and the pathetic Cougars. These two teams trading conferences is not only in their respective best interests, it will also make both the Pac-10 and WAC more competitive and more exciting. If you support this, I urge you to join the Facebook Group "Trade WSU for BSU".

Sunday, March 30, 2008


Style: Part 1.

For some time now I have been at a point in my life where I regularly need to wear a shirt and tie. What I’ve noticed, however, is that many of the guys around me look as if they chose their clothes completely at random when it comes to dressing up. So, guys, we need to have a little talk about the proper way to dress when we are supposed to be dressing up. Here is the first installment of my advice, some general rules to go by. In a later installment I’ll be providing some more specific advice and more specific rules.

Colors matter. Some colors just don’t go together, and guess what, even colors that do go together must be placed with care. Here are some examples:

Black pants and a black tie look good together. A black shirt and black pants (or black shirt with black tie) make you look like you have something to prove.

A white shirt and a black tie is classic. A black shirt and a white tie is mobster, and not in a good way.

There is some good news about color, though. Some colors are perfectly acceptable to wear, and won’t make you look gay (not that there is anything wrong with that). Pink is perfectly fine in small doses. For example, I have a pastel, baby-pink tie that I occasionally wear with a plain white shirt (either with black pants, or grey/khaki pants and a black sweater vest), and I can’t go half a day without someone (usually a girl) telling me how good I look. Here are some other ideas for colors you might not normally choose:

Any really bright color looks good with a white shirt and black pants. Even neon green.

Don’t wear purple as a shirt, but a purple tie looks great with a royal blue shirt.

As mentioned previously, pink is great in small doses, such as a tie or if it is included in a patterned shirt. A plain, all-pink shirt should be approached with caution.

Like color, patterns are a double edged sword. They can be great, or gross. If you’re going to wear a patterned shirt, don’t wear a tie with a different pattern. I don’t care if the colors match, or even if the patterns are similar. You don’t look good, you look like a fucking optical illusion (Quoting Barry Pepper in 25th Hour). If you absolutely must wear a patterned shirt, try to wear a solid tie. There are some exceptions to this rule, but I can’t make generalizations about it. Here are some patterns to avoid:

Plaid (Burberry ties are only useful in making you look pretentious).

Houndstooth and Paisley should only be used with experience.

However, some patterns that are great and I encourage:


Hats should only complement what you are wearing elsewhere. Personally, I don’t wear them, but if you must, do it well. If you’re going to wear a fedora, make sure that it is simple and classic. Houndstooth pattern is about the most extravagant you should go, and even then you kind of start to look like huggy bear (image at Don’t wear a “golf hat”, and never ever wear anything Kangol. Ever.

Sweaters. Wear them. Personally, I’m fond of sweater vests. As long as the sweater conforms to rules 1 through 3, it is probably okay to wear. However, consider the following:

Colors should be a little more muted and shouldn’t distract from the rest of what you are wearing.

V-neck is typically preferable to crew neck.

If it has a zipper, it doesn’t belong.

Belts and shoes should match if possible. Also, shoe choice should be dependent upon the rest of the outfit. For example, if you’re wearing black or grey pants, wear black or grey shoes. Likewise, if you are wearing khaki pants, you should ideally wear an earthtone shoe (e.g. burgundy, brown, etc…).

Sunday, December 10, 2006


A Christmas Tragedy

The holiday season has once again arrived, and with it comes a myriad of television shows with “special” Christmas episodes, each presenting some sort of heartwarming, miraculous, or overly-emotional storyline that only loosely resembles the usual tone of the show. This year, The OC has Ryan envisioning life in The OC without him, much like Christmas present from A Christmas Carol. This is, of course, wildly different from the One Tree Hill episode where what's his name got a glimpse of Tree Hill without him. Nothing is edgier than A Christmas Carol. Nothing. Previews for Brothers & Sisters have one of the characters saying "it's a Christmas miracle." Hmm. ER had a special moment this week, too, when Archie screamed at God, and it started snowing, right on cue. Let me tell you, if you don't get choked up at that, you don't have a heart.

Personally, all this Christmas miracle crap is a little excessive. I love Christmas. It's my favorite holiday (aside from St. Patrick's day....and Valentines day), but at some point the overzealous, melodramatic Christmas specials (....and flag day) just seem to blend together into one amalgam of weepy, sappy, awkward television (who doesn't love arbor day?). It's the same stuff every year, and frankly, it's unrealistic.

I suggest that television programs start having special Christmas episodes that are more representative of reality. So, here's my suggestion for the next Christmas episode of [insert your favorite show here]:

At the beginning, [main character], fresh out of a break-up with his/her long time girlfriend/boyfriend, is disappointed because his/her family, who he/she hasn't seen for several years is stranded across the country in a blizzard that has grounded all air travel for 200 miles. [Goofy supporting character roommate] attempts to cheer [main character] up through a variety of antics, like hanging mistletoe at [main character]'s office, suprising s/him with a decorated Christmas tree at home, and baking he/r gingerbread cookies, which, of course turn out to be disgusting. Meanwhile, [main character]'s family attempts a Christmas miracle of their own, by driving the 200 miles to the next airport in hopes of catching a flight from there. The six of them cram into a Chevy Aveo and head out into the blizzard. Sure enough, half way there, in the middle of nowhere they get stuck in the snow, and can't be towed until morning. Stuck, they are forced to spend the night cramped in the tiny tin box without food, and their hopes of reaching [main character] in time goes down the drain, taking their own enjoyment with it. All alone on Christmas eve, [main character] decides to get drunk. After finishing off a 12-pack, he/she passes out in the recliner. At this point, we're at the low point of the story, and the audience should rightfully anticipate the ex coming in to make it a romantic Christmas, or perhaps, somehow [main character]'s family made it out of the snow and onto the plane. But, this is my story, and here's my twist: Passed out, [main character] doesn't notice when the christmas lights on the tree short out and light the dry tree on fire. He/She doesn't wake up until most of the living room around s/him is engulfed in flames and s/he is forced to break a window to escape, but his/her childhood cat/dog doesn't escape. He/she spends Christmas day homeless and alone. The end.

Now, doesn't that seem more appropriate? I think so.

Saturday, September 30, 2006


Am I Old?

I was thinking the other day, as I downloaded a song from the 80's, that I am now old. I'm not sure when it happened, but it most certainly did. Bear in mind dear reader, that I am only 24 years old. But, despite that I am certainly younger than the median or mean age of Americans, and haven't even reached half of my life expectancy, I am still old. I present to you three arguments:

First, the famous saying by Winston Churchill: 'if you're not a liberal at age 25 you have no heart, and if you're not a conservative at age 35, you have no brain'. As a former member of the young republicans, and a registered republican since the age of 18, I apparently either have no heart, or am artificially old. And despite poor circulation in my feet (they are always so cold), I'm pretty sure I have a heart (even if it is cold and black, like some liberals may suggest). Thus, I must be artificially old.

Second, let us consider those traits of youth; those various components of personality that show, irrefutably, that someone is young at heart. Among these are optimism, joy, and a focus on current fads (such as music and clothing). I have been a pessimist my entire life, always expecting the worst, or at least mediocrity. So, my descent into the dungeons of "oldness" had begun since the first time I went to pre-school and expected it to be run by democrats (incidentally, I was right). Furthermore, I have a general contempt for most people. This is related to my pessimism. I generally consider most people to be stupid, or rude, or annoying, and after spending any portion of time with them, I usually realize that I am right. I would argue that this outlook on my fellow man is certainly not "joyous." Lastly, in regards to current fads, as I downloaded "Respect" by Erasure, while drinking coffee (at 9:00pm ) while wearing the baggy jeans that I bought 6 years ago, let's just say that I realized that I am most definitely out of it.

Finally, the opposite of my previous argument. Consider those elements of old people. A belief that things were better "in their day", eating dinner at 5:00pm, going to bed early, and not understanding the new-fangled whatever that the kids are doing/saying/wearing/etc.. Well, I just purchased the entire series of Danger Mouse, a cartoon from when I was 5. Last week, my wife (who I've been married to since I was 20), did eat dinner at 5:00 pm . You know what we watched on TV while we ate? Certainly not MTV, because I don't understand what's going on, on any shows on MTV anymore. No, we watched CNN. And, although we finished dinner in time to make it to the movies at 7:10 , we decided not to go because we were both tired, and didn't want to be out that late.

So, there you have it. I am old. I don't want your pity. I don't want your advice or suggestions. I just want things to be more like they were in the good ole' days.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?