Sunday, December 10, 2006
A Christmas Tragedy
The holiday season has once again arrived, and with it comes a myriad of television shows with “special” Christmas episodes, each presenting some sort of heartwarming, miraculous, or overly-emotional storyline that only loosely resembles the usual tone of the show. This year, The OC has Ryan envisioning life in The OC without him, much like Christmas present from A Christmas Carol. This is, of course, wildly different from the One Tree Hill episode where what's his name got a glimpse of Tree Hill without him. Nothing is edgier than A Christmas Carol. Nothing. Previews for Brothers & Sisters have one of the characters saying "it's a Christmas miracle." Hmm. ER had a special moment this week, too, when Archie screamed at God, and it started snowing, right on cue. Let me tell you, if you don't get choked up at that, you don't have a heart.
Personally, all this Christmas miracle crap is a little excessive. I love Christmas. It's my favorite holiday (aside from St. Patrick's day....and Valentines day), but at some point the overzealous, melodramatic Christmas specials (....and flag day) just seem to blend together into one amalgam of weepy, sappy, awkward television (who doesn't love arbor day?). It's the same stuff every year, and frankly, it's unrealistic.
I suggest that television programs start having special Christmas episodes that are more representative of reality. So, here's my suggestion for the next Christmas episode of [insert your favorite show here]:
At the beginning, [main character], fresh out of a break-up with his/her long time girlfriend/boyfriend, is disappointed because his/her family, who he/she hasn't seen for several years is stranded across the country in a blizzard that has grounded all air travel for 200 miles. [Goofy supporting character roommate] attempts to cheer [main character] up through a variety of antics, like hanging mistletoe at [main character]'s office, suprising s/him with a decorated Christmas tree at home, and baking he/r gingerbread cookies, which, of course turn out to be disgusting. Meanwhile, [main character]'s family attempts a Christmas miracle of their own, by driving the 200 miles to the next airport in hopes of catching a flight from there. The six of them cram into a Chevy Aveo and head out into the blizzard. Sure enough, half way there, in the middle of nowhere they get stuck in the snow, and can't be towed until morning. Stuck, they are forced to spend the night cramped in the tiny tin box without food, and their hopes of reaching [main character] in time goes down the drain, taking their own enjoyment with it. All alone on Christmas eve, [main character] decides to get drunk. After finishing off a 12-pack, he/she passes out in the recliner. At this point, we're at the low point of the story, and the audience should rightfully anticipate the ex coming in to make it a romantic Christmas, or perhaps, somehow [main character]'s family made it out of the snow and onto the plane. But, this is my story, and here's my twist: Passed out, [main character] doesn't notice when the christmas lights on the tree short out and light the dry tree on fire. He/She doesn't wake up until most of the living room around s/him is engulfed in flames and s/he is forced to break a window to escape, but his/her childhood cat/dog doesn't escape. He/she spends Christmas day homeless and alone. The end.
Now, doesn't that seem more appropriate? I think so.