Am I Old?

I was thinking the other day, as I downloaded a song from the 80's, that I am now old. I'm not sure when it happened, but it most certainly did. Bear in mind dear reader, that I am only 24 years old. But, despite that I am certainly younger than the median or mean age of Americans, and haven't even reached half of my life expectancy, I am still old. I present to you three arguments:

First, the famous saying by Winston Churchill: 'if you're not a liberal at age 25 you have no heart, and if you're not a conservative at age 35, you have no brain'. As a former member of the young republicans, and a registered republican since the age of 18, I apparently either have no heart, or am artificially old. And despite poor circulation in my feet (they are always so cold), I'm pretty sure I have a heart (even if it is cold and black, like some liberals may suggest). Thus, I must be artificially old.

Second, let us consider those traits of youth; those various components of personality that show, irrefutably, that someone is young at heart. Among these are optimism, joy, and a focus on current fads (such as music and clothing). I have been a pessimist my entire life, always expecting the worst, or at least mediocrity. So, my descent into the dungeons of "oldness" had begun since the first time I went to pre-school and expected it to be run by democrats (incidentally, I was right). Furthermore, I have a general contempt for most people. This is related to my pessimism. I generally consider most people to be stupid, or rude, or annoying, and after spending any portion of time with them, I usually realize that I am right. I would argue that this outlook on my fellow man is certainly not "joyous." Lastly, in regards to current fads, as I downloaded "Respect" by Erasure, while drinking coffee (at 9:00pm ) while wearing the baggy jeans that I bought 6 years ago, let's just say that I realized that I am most definitely out of it.

Finally, the opposite of my previous argument. Consider those elements of old people. A belief that things were better "in their day", eating dinner at 5:00pm, going to bed early, and not understanding the new-fangled whatever that the kids are doing/saying/wearing/etc.. Well, I just purchased the entire series of Danger Mouse, a cartoon from when I was 5. Last week, my wife (who I've been married to since I was 20), did eat dinner at 5:00 pm . You know what we watched on TV while we ate? Certainly not MTV, because I don't understand what's going on, on any shows on MTV anymore. No, we watched CNN. And, although we finished dinner in time to make it to the movies at 7:10 , we decided not to go because we were both tired, and didn't want to be out that late.

So, there you have it. I am old. I don't want your pity. I don't want your advice or suggestions. I just want things to be more like they were in the good ole' days.